Riding the Waves of Confidence: When Self-Belief Comes and Goes
They say with age comes wisdom. But does confidence come with age too, or is it something more aligned with the carefree naivety of youth? And once you find confidence, does it stay with you forever?
At 55, my experience has taught me that confidence is fleeting — it comes and goes. It’s not a constant state but an ongoing challenge to maintain.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve stepped back from competitive choreography and now only teach one night a week. Last season, I didn’t do any competitive dances, and the year before, I only worked on a tap duet. It’s also been years since I’ve taught advanced levels. This past summer, however, I felt inspired by a few things and decided it was time to dive back into working with larger groups and senior advanced dancers.
Since then, I’ve caught myself listening to that inner voice, the critical one —questioning if I still have what it takes. Can I still take a vision from my mind and bring it to life with dancers on stage? It’s easy to forget the immense responsibility we carry as choreographers. The routines we create will be seen by hundreds, sometimes thousands, over the course of a competitive season. I want every dancer, no matter their age or level, to feel proud and confident when they perform. That confidence is shaped by every choice we make: music, casting, movement, style, and costumes.
Their belief in themselves should come, in part, from the belief I project in my work. After all, isn’t that great leadership? But then again… is it? Should I present myself as someone whose confidence never wavers, or is it better to be honest and show them that confidence isn’t constant? I’m torn between both sides.
I admire many people who seem to have endless self-confidence. Of course, I usually see them when they’re “on”— giving seminars, hosting podcasts, or performing at their best. It’s easy to feel like my own lack of confidence grows bigger in the shadow of their apparent self-belief. I must admit, my self-doubt tends to hit me before I even step into the classroom — it shows up during the creative process. It comes when I am creating. By the time I enter the classroom or rehearsal I am prepared. I may not always be certain every idea will work, and I am transparent in those moments with the dancers, but we will work through it together.
So, I keep coming back to the same question: Do I hide my self-doubt and project unwavering confidence, or is it better to show the dancers that I struggle too? Knowing that a mentor faces the same challenges might feel reassuring. But would it help them overcome their own doubts, or would it hinder them? Do students need to see only strength from their leaders, or is there value in seeing vulnerability too?
Maybe the answer lies in being completely present when we are with our students and evaluating their self-confidence at any given time. Then we can decide which version of us they need to see. But when you have limited time in class or rehearsal and the focus is on technique, choreography, formations, musicality etc etc is that even realistic?
I’m still searching for the answer.
Oh this blog hit home with me! Thank you Ann, for putting down the feelings of how I’m sure so many like myself can relate to. I, like you, still search for the answer but I truly believe being our authentic selves may be how we best serve the next generation. 🩷