Put Your Family Values on the Dinner Table

By Nancy Stone

Make dinner an event of good taste as well as good cheer

As we all know, the life of a dance teacher is busy and hectic and not always "normal" as compared with other educators or 9:00 to 5:00 office workers. When others are finishing their workday, our day may just be starting. It’s a real challenge to juggle our work demands and still give equal quality time to our husbands or wives, children, parents and significant others.

I feel that mealtime with your family can be the time to do just that.  It not only nourishes the body but it does wonders for the spirit. I have a passion for food–its taste and its presentation–but I have a stronger passion to make my life and my family’s life as enjoyable as possible. Mealtimes are special and should be treated as an occasion.

The other day I read that by the year 2025, family dining would be obsolete. Don’t tell me that in twenty years we will have become a society that is too busy to sit down to a meal together, too busy to talk to each other, and too busy to listen. I am an only child whose father died when I was nine. My mother was left with very little money and a child to raise. She worked three jobs, but she was never too tired or too busy to sit down and have dinner with me. She made our time together special because she made dinner an event. She started this, I have kept it up, and I hope my daughter will continue the ritual.

The evening meal, no matter what the hour, is the end of each day’s activities (forget that you have several loads of clothes to wash and fold) and a time for preparation for tomorrow’s work. It’s the time you can find out what is happening in the life of your better half and it allows you the time to listen to and explore the feelings of your children. At mealtime they are a captive audience! Thank goodness dessert comes at the end of the meal.

There are a few simple tricks to making dinner a dining experience. Turn off the television and put the phone on mute or record. Show them that there is no television show that is so important that it can’t be taped for later viewing and there is no phone call that can’t wait until you have had special time together. Prepare food that you find easy to make, food that you and your family enjoy, and then set the stage to dine. Every so often I let each family member make the menu for the evening. You will be surprised at how soon young children realize that mashed potatoes and French fries should not be served at the same meal.

If you eat in your kitchen, put a dimmer on those harsh kitchen lights—nothing looks good under such bright overheads! Have several different sets of placemats or tablecloths and exchange them often. Buy cloth napkins and use them. Set individual places at the table rather than piling the silverware in the center for everyone to grab. Avoid putting cans, bottles, or cartons on the table; instead put drinks in glasses (matching of course). Dress your salad before it gets to the table. Paul Newman, as handsome as he is, should not be a dinner guest at every meal. Pull out those candlesticks and candles that are used only in emergencies and light them. It is amazing what candlelight can do for meatloaf and mashed potatoes. With the props in place you are ready to sit down and enjoy your family.

Don’t rush dinner and don’t let your family rush you. You have gone the extra mile to make this an event and so should they. Good table manners are essential. Everyone is expected to be pleasant, charming, and dignified. They may take place after leaving the table, but no arguments or conflict are allowed during dinner. When you accomplish this—and you will—you are ready to be nominated for the Mother’s Hall of Fame! Your children are learning much more than which fork to use and proper manners. They are mastering the simple pleasures of enjoying their family.

Voila! You did it. Your family is in awe—and possibly concerned that you have taken total leave of your senses. By adding the extra five to ten minutes to your meal prep, you captured your family’s full attention. Will this keep you from ever having an argument with your husband or make your teenager act like a human being? No, but it will give you and the ones that you hold close to your heart memories that will last a lifetime and set a tradition that may go on for generations.

My husband and I work long hours and we commute more than an hour to our office. The other evening we got home late and I had to go to the grocery store before preparing dinner. I had had a long day, I was tired and grumpy, but when we sat down to our meal (one of my just-okay dinners), my entire attitude changed. I don’t know if it was the candlelight or the soft music or the glass of wine, but suddenly I was a different person. For some reason, dinner with all the bells and whistles reminded us that we were special.

For years, I have fooled my family into thinking that I am a fabulous cook. I am a good cook--with imagination and creativity. All dance teachers are talented and creative--or why else would we be doing what we do? Think of your dinner with your family as the opening or closing production in your show. Give it your all. I guarantee positive results.

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